I was extremely bored on Sunday so I decided to become Hugh Heffner for about 10 minutes on twitter to see if his life was any better than mine. You can read my findings on this experiment at the end of this piece of shite.
First of all I changed my profile pic and changed my name to Hugh Heff(nn)er. Even with obvious spelling difference some people actually thought I was the dirty old man himself. One person who will remain nameless (cause I can't remember who it was) even sent me some profile pics. Needless to say this young woman is not the type I could bring home to mummy. That and she was not a red head.
Anyway I made quite a few posts after channeling Hugh. Here are some:
I went all the way down stairs there and forgot what I went down for. Then I realised I'm up to my eyes in muff! Lol!
People say to me: "Heff how do you manage to get all those lovely 18 yr old women?". And I say "I threaten to kill their families!". Lol!
@Glinner Hey Graham. Do you mind if I call you Graham? That Katherine Parkinson, you couldn't put a word in for me could you? *High Five*
Where did I leave my car keys last night? Oh dear I just remembered. Lol, did I mention I'm up to my eye in muff?
@EmmaK67 You drive a hard bargain honey. How much will it take to get you out of those clothes and into my dirty book?
I'm just an ordinary guy you know. I have a train set. I can't see it of coarse. Not over all this muff!
That @willmarch is one funny guy. I'm glad he's not over here or there would be a serious muff shortage. Then who would pose in my books?
There. Whoo, what a ride. I smell of hair cream now and of coarse muff. I bet Heff is used to it tho. Walk a mile in my shoes, eh?
@SteveCoogan When are you gonna come over to the house? Me and my 12Th wife Debbie would love to have you over for a roast.
I'm gonna listen to some Dave Brubeck. I hope the twins leave me alone tonight so I can play with my Star Wars figures.
People say "Heff, when did you first begin to take an interest in muff?" Well it was on the Titanic. Yeah I was in Muff Class. Best way!
Drifting off now on the Heff Muff Ark. We will weather out this storm. 2 by 2 they came. All different types of muff. Zzzzzzz "Wha? ...........muff!"
I've finished walking in The Heff's shoes for today. It wasn't very comfortable. I had a look and yeah there was some muff in them.
So yeah it was quite a ride. Not like a roller coaster ride, I was too old for that and I could not get my sexy doctors to agree to sign my waiver.
Its not all it is cracked up to be. Being Hugh was like when I became Nelson Mandela. A stretch.
Next I might be Davina Mc Call. But as a serious journalist and not a gurning idiot. Imagine if you will Davina interviewing "Flesh" Gordon Brown. Now imagine a flying cat smoking a huge bong. See what I am getting at here. Somethings even the imagination can't even do.
*Hugh is probably a very lovely bloke.
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