Cricket update

England and Australia are 1-1 in the Ashes series. I do hope its not a draw. I used to play Cricket every summer when I was a kid with my brothers and an Australian family who lived down the street from us. I follow England cause I don't really like Australians. The rules were simple when I was a boy. My older brother would bat for 5hours and finish on maybe 200+ then I would go in to Bat and he would bowl me fist ball. He then batted again and made another 200. We would be called in for bed and the first day was over. Soon we amended the rules. Older brother was not allowed to hit sixes. I got 3 lives when batting and If anyone hit the ball over into the pensioners residence they were to retrieve the ball.
Real cricketers play with a different set of rules. If a bowler thinks hes caught out a batsman he shouts at the umpire like a maniac. If indeed the player is deemed to be out by the umpire, the umpire points in the direction the batsman must take to get home. If the batsman is not out, the umpire will look sheepishly at his nails and ignore the bowlers shouts for out.
When a player hits the ball for a six a smug middle class spectator must stand up and wave his hands in an effeminate manner to indicate that indeed yes it was a six and the fielder must go and fetch the ball.
PS Some people wonder what is in the ashes urn. Well the clue is in the name. It contains the ashes of the first person ever to fall asleep during a cricket match all those years ago.