REAL LIFE HOBBIT FINALLY OFF SICK

I met a friend from School who announced that he had big news. I thought he might have finally found out who his real parents were but no. He was finally off sick benefit for the first time in 15 years. We high fived. He spoiled it by telling me he was about to be published as an author. The book would be a cult horror he said titled "Revenge of the Golden Muff". Hew is 34. He said They (Nigerians?) were only looking 3 thousand pounds to publish it.
Later when we went to a party he kept going outside and coming in later caked in sweat. I thought he better not have scored some coke. As it turned out he was trampolining in the dark at 5 in the morning in the pissing rain. He is about to be published.
I sold the story to a local newspaper who ran the headline. REAL LIFE HOBBIT FINALLY OFF SICK. TAX PAYERS BREATH SIGH OF RELIEF!