A WEEK IN POLITICS IS A WEEK IN LIFE

Have been putting off blogging for awhile as I really don't have anything relevant to say. I haven't had a bad week. I got a new mobile phone which I have mastered quite quickly and I even know its technical name. The LG KC550. Its OK, it does the business. I wish I could lock my texts as someone recently, lets call him/her Vixen only went and read my texts. I always write sarcastically, and most of the time it is quite harmless but when I am slagging someone off, I really don't want them to see it.
I think that I have become the unwilling participant in a love triangle. I like triangles mostly and have a thing about 3's but I'm not sure I like it. One admirer lets call her Window Licker got my number by subterfuge and when I say subterfuge I give it to her. She told me it was for someone else. The last time I was in a social situation with this person, lets call her....oh I've done that already. Anyway the last time I seen her she had taken a photo of me entering the toilets in a bar. I have nightmares of her using it as a wallpaper....The type you plaster to you wall. Maybe she has a shrine made to me, with black candles and my eyes cut out. She told me that she self harms, uses men for money and stalks people. This one time she asked me outside for a smoke, I went out and then she asked me did I have any cigs. She didn't even have cigs.
I'm going away to Greece next week with my older bro who is kindly footing the bill. He has asked me to point out that Paramount is actually doing very well and is not called Paraflop. He has also told me to stop licking Jason Manfords balls. I wasn't aware that I was but I will make sure that it doesn't come to that.
I have some really fond memories of lads holidays. Its the build up usually in London that is great. We nearly always end up getting blitzed the day before we leave and end up spending far more in London than we do when we get to our destination. I think the first couple of times we went away, because I had never been on holiday before my bro was a bit uptight. He would shepherd me away from Lucky Lucky men and reps when I stopped to tell them why I would not be entering their fine establishments. They like to take it easy during the day and go mental at night. I like to get blitzed during the day and fall into chairs by the pool. Last time I think it was in Tenerife I sprained my ankle and had to hobble about for 3 days on a plastic crutch which was very awkward. It says allot about modern medicine when the best they can do is give you a stick and tell you to go on your way. No robotic artificial leg or anything. Not like on Star Trek. You remember the episode when Scottie fell over Spock's skateboard? Kirk put it in the log and fined Spock's wages. No? Well I did.
He has this fear I think that I am going to approach the first black person I see and lift up my shoe and say...Spit and shine my dear fellow, and If you do some of that sweet harmonising theres an extra pound in it for you. I am typically Northern Irish but I can't help that. They lived in London longer than me and you do become hardened by the place. It will be one of the Greek islands this time. First time It was Kavos which is like an artificial town made almost exclusively for British tourists. I got into a barny with some Scottish lads at one of those football tents. They jokingly asked who was Arsenal? And I replied who the fuck was Costa Rica? Oche Aye theres noo need fur thaaa. Or something like that.
That was a great year, we went scuba diving and went on a boat cruise where the Captain made suggestive remarks about the women next to me and asked if I liked Jiggy Jig? I told him I didn't have the patience for Jig Saws. This was also the first year that I had encountered the phenomenon that is Topless sunbathing. I mean when I was a kid my next door neighbour would actually sunbathe totally naked, and I remember my mum giving off to her cause dad was very distracted. This was different. I had no strategy what so ever. I would just walk up and have a good old stare. Later on subsequent holidays I had adapted and perfected the old jook behind the sunglasses maneuver. This was the year we hired scooters. They take your passports and ask you stringent questions like...Have you ever rode a scooter before. Of coarse I had never been on one, I couldn't even balance it. But somehow I convinced him that I was an expert scooter driver and he let me rent one for the week. I kind of let the cat out of the bag later on in the day when I drove down the scooter rental shop on the wrong side of the road and waved at the guy.
The best thing about Lads holidays is the camaraderie, it is just hilarious. I used to hurt with all the laughing we did. It was pure comedy gold. I think this year with us all being single that we will be a little more grown up about things. So no slapping girls arses and blaming it on someone else. Or telling a potential suitor for my brother that he has vd, or God Forbid asking my friend if he was going to get an older woman he was chatting up to read him a bed time story. Yeah the Cooler will not be travelling this year. I kind of want a Shirely Valentine romance, but not if it means missing out on 5 drinks for the price of one. I say drinks I mean watered down petrol.
This year I wont be as flush. I have a bit of previous behind me and I will not be befriending the Lucky Lucky men. Oh how I am haunted by that..Dvd Cd? Rubbish.



Earlier in the week I watched Benjamin Netanyahu address the UN council. He of coarse is Israels PM and it is the second time he as held the office. He made quite an incendiary speech in which he compared Israels response to Hamas rocket attacks as a just act similar to the blitz on London during the war. I'm not so sure that Hamas had the power to inflict that much devastation or inflict so many casualties. The situation in the Middle East is a conundrum. My own take on it and speaking from a humanitarian perspective, I think Israel has some nerve criticising the UN as being anti-Zionist. Yes they are denied a vote, but that is because they're vote is self serving. I have been to Israel and while it is a beautiful country and the people are very welcoming, there is a huge gulf in the way Palestinians live and Israeli's live. Israel defends its escalation of hostilities with the Palestinians by claiming the right of defence. It currently spends one 3rd of its national budget on weapons. The entire population is militarized. I mean how would you feel standing at a bus stop or in shop cue next to a man or woman with a machine gun?
The second Intifada has been blamed on Ariel Sharon the previous PM and military icon of Israel. He antagonised an already volatile Muslim community in 2004 prior to the disengagement of Israeli forces from Palestinian settlements in Gaza he entered the Al Aqua mosque in East Jerusalem. Here he conducted a serious of racist remarks against the Palestinians. It provoked widespread condemnation and riots accured. When communities riot in Israel they are not met with a muted reaction, they are shot. Many people including children have been killed by Israeli forces in this manner. Of coarse this provokes more fury and more rioting and it is a vicious circle. Recently as last month 20 high ranking Israeli soldiers admitted that the Army had victimised and abused Palestinians in Gaza.
Many human rights organisations have monitored the situation in Gaza and all have concluded that Israel is guilty of gross negligence and brutality. Many times the European Union has asked them to withdraw from Palestinian land taken during the 6 day war. They continue to do what they like, under the protection of America and Britain. Perhaps if they tried to bridge the differences between themselves and the Muslim community instead of preaching hate then maybe a compromise might look likely. Lets not forget that it is the Palestinian people who are always first to feel the military vengeance of Israel. Look on YouTube and you will see countless examples of the Israeli military deliberately targeting dense populated areas. Remember the massacres at Sabra and Chatila when Sharon permitted the killing of thousands of men women and children The Christian Militia in Lebanon. Watch the newscasts and read the first hand accounts of the Red Cross as they witness the brutality of the Israeli forces during the war with Lebanon in 2006. How many people can remember the names of the family who were slaughtered in their beds by an Israeli smart bomb? Netanyahu claims the Israeli's don't deliberately target civilians and dropped thousands of leaflets on Gaza and Lebanon asking them to leave their homes prior to rocket attacks. Now imagine how scared you would be, not knowing military jargon, not knowing where to go to be safe and imagine a foreign aggressor telling you where to live. In the end the Israeli's underestimated the opposition in Lebanon, they did not cross their mythical Rubicon with victory. They suffered a bloody nose. Despite overwhelming military capabilities, pure defiance and national refusal sent them home.
Every man has the right to defend himself. Every man has the right to self determination. Very basic human rights are being denied the Palestinians. No employment, no freedom of speech, no freedom of assembly, no education and in most circumstances no running water or basic health care. These are denied to them by the Israeli embargo's. They did this during the Lebanese offencive. They were strongly condemned. Which brings me back to Netanyahu's speech. He is an apologist for state sponsored murder. He is a war criminal. He is a liar and a thief. There is only one way to solve this situation. Hand back the territories taken during the 6 day war. Stop the expansion of Israeli satellite camps in Gaza. Accept an Independent Palestinian state with its capital in East Jerusalem. Modern Israel was born out of terrorism. It sickened the British out of Palestine. In my opinion they are their own worse enemies. How can a people who suffered so much inflict so much pain on another community. Surely if anyone should understand how the Palestinian people feel it is the Israeli.
PS Any time I am asked my opinion on this situation I am accuse of being anti-Semitic. I am not anti Jew, but I am anti-Israeli. There simply is no Israel. It does not exist. There is however a Palestine and they are visitors there, nothing more and nothing less.
Here endeth the lesson.